INVISIBLE BOY 2

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INVISIBLE BOY 2
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Tyrone Had It Bad

“Or gain, you
often doubt if
you really exist.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Tyrone had it bad—
A lost worse than me maybe
Although I don’t know.

He couldn’t help it—
Every inch of him was
Visible & dinge.

With me I was more—
The invisible faggot
In the gay closet.

Bad seed genetics—
Ran thru our family tree
Right down to the root.

Phantoms

“You wonder
whether you aren’t
simply a phantom
in other people’s minds.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Both Tyrone & I—
Felt like phantoms all the time
We couldn’t help it.

Negro freedom done—
Had reared its ugly head for us
Down between our legs.

Born-again movements—
Resurrect themselves outta
Ashes of the past.

It seemed like to me—
Black phantoms & phoenixes
Were one & the same.

Negro history—
Seemed pretty alien to
Young black panthers.

Post-Stonewall

“Say, a figure
in a nightmare
which the sleeper
tries with all his
strength to destroy.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

For me the phantom—
Was being a gay man back
Then in the Sixties.

The Stonewall Riots—
With all the NY drag-queens
Was 10 years away.

Lots of whitey queers—
Like homo Allen Ginsberg
Who ranted with “Howl.”

The flap Ginsberg caused—
In the courts and the
World of publishing.

It’s still going on—
Sixty years later even
Tho most Beats are dead.

Soul on Ice for me—
Was still dinge in the closet
For queer boyz like me.

Looking Back

“It’s when you feel
like this that out of
resentment you begin
to bump people back.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Young Negroes & gangs—
Got more & more militant
The blow-back was bad.

The Gay Plague murdered—
A whole gay generation
Both White & Negro.

DOMA & DADT—
Smacked down gay marriage bad
And gay civil rights.

I lived thru it all—
Many of my friends didn’t
Make it thru the storm.

Hippie Sixties

“And let me
confess, you
feel like that
most of the time.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

I was phantom tho—
Back in the early Sixties
A laidback hippie.

I be like Gandhi—
Non-violent hippie fag
I kept to myself.

Disenfranchised dinge—
Hiding in my dingle closet
Stoned most of the time.

Pretty Boy Fairy—
The object of Tyrone’s scorn
Down on my knees.

Invisibility

“You ache with the
need to convince
yourself that you
do exist in the
real world.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

It’s a real headache—
A dinge hangover headache
A black soul headache.

It hurts down there bad—
A different kind of headache
An ache in the groin.

Like a tightly coiled—
Spring ready to Unsprung
Like a ZAP commix.

Something pent-up deep—
That only Tyrone could know
‘Cause he had the key.

Don’t let me jive you—
Doppelganger dinge so fine
I needed it bad.

Adolesence

“that you’re part
of all the sound
and anguish.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

No it aint pretty—
Being a queer Negro
Invisible boy.

Adolescence is—
A scary rite de passage
For anybody.

Throw in some incest—
Miscegenational love
And it spells trouble.

Lots of queer heartache—
When your twin brother tells you
“Go fuck off, faggot.”

Opening the door—
Finding him cuming real nice
Self-fellatio.

Self-Fellatio

“and you strike
out with your fists
because you want
to make them
recognize you.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

So I closed the door—
And locked it tight behind me
Went down on him.

Tyrone was helpless—
Cum spluging on his straining
Smirking, aching face.

Got my lips on him—
My CSL* lips so queer
I got him real good.

*Cock-Sucking Lips

After that Tyrone—
Well, he just shut up &
Let me do him.

Even Tyrone knew—
A good cocksucker with my
Lips glued to his Knob.

Down-Low Dinge

“and alas,
it’s seldom
successful.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

It didn’t really—
Make much of a difference
Not to Tyrone.

Tyrone needed it—
He didn’t care if I was
Queer for his big dick.

He just looked away—
Somebody had to fucking
Do it anyway…

Plenty of cute chicks—
And even the gay gym coach
They wanted it bad.

Tyrone was doing—
The nasty down-low back then
Aint no big secret.

The Sleepwalkers

“I remember that
I am invisible and
walk softly so as
not to awaken the
sleeping ones.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Sometimes Tyrone got—
Sexually violent
Getting his nut off.

It made me quiver—
It was his best male feature
Shooting his brains out.

Going spaz real bad—
Letting me know him that way
His ten-inch Luger.

So vulnerable—
Losing it so completely
My Baby Was Black!!!

Like that porno flick—
Down there in Kansas City
Filmed in gay Paris.

My Baby Is Black!

Tyrone was all male—
Just like the other str8ts
A sleepwalker boy.

Hopelessly hetero—
Brain-dead from the neck up
A dick with two legs.

It sounds hopelessly—
Sexist & down right ugly
I know, yeah I know…

When it came to sex—
Tyrone was pretty much
A dinge basket-case.

When you’re just sixteen—
And your young testicular
Hormones are pulsing…

Stra8t Nightmare

“Poor fool, poor
blind fool, I thought
with sincere
compassion, mugged
by an invisible man!”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Dinge is what freed me—
From the str8ts nightmare
Dingeville USA.

They were all dreaming—
Up there in Nigger Heaven
The Bijou balcony.

I didn’t want to—
Wake Tyrone up too quickly
His Bijou wetdream.

Sirk’s soap opera—
“Imitation of Life flick
Back in 1959.

Poor Susan Kohner—
She could pass for a white-girl
But Tyrone couldn’t.

Show Boat

“sometimes it’s best
not to awaken the;
there are few things in
the world as dangerous
as sleep-walkers.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

A living dream-boat—
Ava Gardner in “Show Boat”
Mississippi dinge.

Our mother’s fav flick—
A tragic melodrama
Her untold story.

That sad musical—
Sometimes showing on lost weekends
Old Snake Pit Drive-In.

Then later on TV—
Movies on Channel 13
“Show Boat” & Ava.

Both Tyrone & I—
Felt so awfully sorry
Mother’s tragedy.

Night of the Living Dead

“Would Death himself
free him for wakeful
living? But I didn’t
linger. I ran away into
the dark laughing.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

What else could I do—
I was stuck in Dingeville
A closet case kid.

Even tho I lied—
Growing up & pretending
That nobody knew.

When actually—
They all knew the faggy truth
Me doing Tyrone.

And I was really—
The Sleepwalker of the Dead
More dead than alive?

Mother had “Show Boat”—
And I had my dinge-queen “Night
Of the Living Dead.”

Dinge Disgust

“It unnerved me.
I was both disgusted
And ashamed.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

But what else was new—
I was shame-faced all the time
Full of dinge disgust.

At first it made me—
Weak in the knees for Tyrone
And then it got worse.

Like that Supreme’s son—
“Shame, Shame, S-h-a-m-e!!!”
I be so ashamed.

Feeling so ashamed—
Made me want it even more
Me bad, oh baby!!!

The more Tyrone came—
The more I wanted his Spluge!
His dick addictive.

Invitation to a Beheading

“I ran away into the
dark, laughing so
hard I feared I might
rupture myself.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Actually, my dear—
I was afraid that Tyrone
Might rupture himself!!!

A hernia from
Getting off to violent
Spraining his penis.

He snorted cocaine—
Sometimes he fainted real bad
It was so intense.

Like Nabokov’s book—
“Invitation to a Beheading”
Tyrone went spastic.

Banging his cute head—
Against the Louis LXIV
Headboard late at night.

Mugged

“The next day
I saw his picture
In the Daily News
beneath a caption
he’d been mugged.”

That’s how Tyrone felt—
He said afterwards
After we had sex.

It made e feel so—
Dirty, ashamed & guilty
I did him again.

Only Gawd really—
Knows how many pints
I got outta him.

I kept looking at—
Myself in front of the cracked
Bathroom mirror then.

Resigned, expecting—
My pale-white complexion
To go dinge on me.

Art Deco Dump

“I say all this
to assure you
that it is incorrect
to assume that
because I’m
invisible I’m
dead. I’m neither
dead nor in a
state of animation.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

Despite being gay—
And being in love with your
Dinge dick twin brother.

My life wasn’t bad—
It wasn’t the Empire State
Building either tho.

After mother’s death—
We inherited the old
Senate Apartments.

An art deco wreck—
Streamline moderne styling
Sleek with glass block windows.

Insurance money—
Paid to remodel the dump
Built back in 1941.

Boomerang

“not like an
arrow, but a
boomerang”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

That’s how the world moved—
Always boomeranging back
From outta the past.

Like dinge déjà vu—
Victimizing poor mother
Both Tyrone & me.

Dinge déjà vu curse—
From back in our bad seed past
Waiting to plague us.

Mother so tragic—
Tyrone stoic & resigned
Me down on my knees.

Out of the Past

“I, myself, after
existing some twenty
years, did not
become alive until
I discovered my
Invisibility.”
—Ralph Ellison
Invisible Man

I suppose that’s how—
Things work themselves out for us
For me anyway.

My dinge queen—
Invisibility brought
Suddenly to life.

It all boomeranged—
Coming outta the Past
Waking me up fast.

The same with Tyrone—
His shameless 10 inches
Making him unique.