Mommy Dearest Three

MOMMIE DEAREST

The same with Christopher in the shower—

Just like my troublesome sullen hung kid brother

The so-so strict parenting styles back then—

That Mommy Dearest respected so in Hollywood

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At least for appearance sake to make it look like—

Joan Crawford was Good Housekeeping Divine

Rather than the ungrateful, disrespectful—

And rather hell-bent pushing of her Ambition

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I pushed my mother's buttons every time—

Flaunting my goodlooking boyfriends at her

I considered it the kind of punishment that—

She deserved for beating me with coat-hangers

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She just knew I was getting the hot young stuff—

Which was of course right up her fucking alley

But it wouldn’t be the first time I caught her—

In bed with one of my handsome young tricks

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It was worst torture in the world to suffer so—

Mommy Dearest getting my boyfriends in bed

Was I just some slutty Lottie Lenya male pimp—

In that “Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone” flick?

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Mommy Dearest was a lot like Joan Crawford—

She dished it out pretty much to get even

Not aging well was standard for the times—

Along with wire hanger beatings, being tied up

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Being beaten with tubes of Ajax plus endless—

Spankings, face-slapping, supper-less nights

It was all par for the course, honey, plus—

Being alcoholic, bipolar, obsessive compulsive

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One's disease doesn’t make excusable all those—

Horrible things it makes one do, that’s for sure

It’s the basis for extra tolerance & understanding—

Maybe that’s why I’m manic depressive too

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I can genuinely empathize with Joan but—

Even mores so with poor Christina & Christopher

Finally, and this is the last on the subject—

At least until the next time for a dry martini

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Why did Joan leave Christina out of her will—

People ask that question a lot, I suppose

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What were the “reasons well known to her”—

And the same with Christopher Crawford?

Christina says Mommie was a two-faced bitch—

That she’d turned into an unholy Bitch Queen

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But Joan probably found out thru the grapevine—

Daughter dearest was composing her memoirs

Waiting until Blanche finally kicked the bucket—

Then cashing in on the tres scandalous expose

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Joan found out all about it because after all—

She certainly found out about everything else

She had the last laugh with Bette Davis—

Her box-office royalties from “Baby Jane”

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She got 15% compared with Bette’s 10%—

The flick was a huge success and blockbuster

A whole new Grande Dame Guignol genre—

Opening up for all the aging queen bee stars

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And so Joan probably decided that Christina—

And Christopher could enjoy their Royalties too

“Mommy Dearest” indeed a great success—

Succès de scandale both as book and film

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There was no final slap in the face—

The only monster was Hollywood Babylon

It’s what Christina did to Joan Crawford—

It’s what Joan Crawford did to Christina

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It’s what I did to Mommy Dearest—

It’s what my Mommy Dearest did to me

That’s really the Storyline, my dears—

The more gossip-column trashy the better