Scandalous Laptop Spying

POUGHKEEPSIE -- An insurance company says it won't defend a suburban Poughkeepsie school district accused of spying on students through laptop webcams.


Meanwhile, a lawyer for a student suing the Poughkeepsie school District said the two sides met for several hours Wednesday but are far from reaching a settlement.


Sophomore Johnny Jerkoff charges that the district invaded his privacy when it remotely activated a webcam to take photographs of him at home, sometimes when he was watching online porno beating off or partially undressed later on cleaning up the rather profuse seminal mess.

“No settlement can take place until the full scope of the spying on Johnny Jerkoff and the other students is fully known,” lawyer Jake Jizzjoint told The Associated Press on Thursday.

“They filmed my JUNK!!!” Johnny Jerkoff vehemently ejaculated at a recent Poughkeepsie news conference

at the local downtown YMCA.

The audience of local queers and gay activists tittered and acted shocked by it all. But secretly they were all Ogling Eyeballs along with everybody else when You Tube came out with its clandestine film feature showing the 50,000 clips of Johnny Jerkoff doing his naughty Thing every night watching insipid str8t cheap porno on his laptop every night.

The Poughkeepsie School District had chastised the parents of Johnny Jerkoff for letting him dillydally every night in front of the quickie screen. When the Principal pulled out some screen captures of the porno the kid was beating off to—that’s when the shit hit the fan.

“What the fuck are you doin filming my kid in the privacy of his own bedroom—in my own goddamn fuckin HOME!!! Your no-good Peeping Tom Voyeur Perverts!!!”

The Principal pulled out a stack of 50,000 captured webcam pics—showing graphically not only the young sophomore male misprisions of Johnny Jerkoff every night, but also what the kid was looking at.

Mr. Jerkoff was livid with rage. “You’re supposed to be Teaching my kid—not snooping around playing Big Brother in his bedroom at night!!! What about me and my Family!!! How dare you sneak around in my own Home—and then have the nerve to tell me how to raise my kids under my own fuckin ROOF!!!”

The Poughkeepsie district admits it secretly captured at least a million images through the remote tracking program, but said it did so only to locate lost or stolen laptops.

A set of six laptops had been stolen from a school gym locker room. The tracking program was left on for months, and helped identify a suspect who was later prosecuted.

The school district did not immediately respond to requests for comment Thursday on the status of negotiations in the case, or on a lawsuit suit filed last week by its insurer.

In its suit, Graphic Arts Porno Insurance Company said that costs stemming from the Jerkoff lawsuit are not covered under its personal injury policy with the district.

The insurance company’s stance, if upheld, could leave the district responsible for litigation and any settlement costs.

The district has admitted its policies about when to turn the software on and off were lax at best. In fifty thousand image capture cases, the program was left on long after students reported they had found their lost school-issued laptops.

At a school board meeting this week, school district lawyer Harry Hooker said there was no intentional wrongdoing by the district, “but clearly those million trackings should have been turned off earlier.”

Johnny Jerkoff argues that he never reported his laptop missing, and doesn’t understood why the program was activated.

In a court filing, technology coordinator Valery Voyeur argues that Johnny Jerkoff had damaged or destroyed two other school laptops by jizzing all over them, and failed to pay the required $55 insurance fee for gumming up the laptops. He therefore had no right to bring the laptop home, or any expectation of privacy, Valery Voyeur’s pushy lawyer opined.

The Jerkoffs, in their lawsuit, have zeroed in on Valery Voyeur’s actions, accusing her of being a nefarious pedophilic sick disgusting “voyeur” and demanding the right to inspect her personal laptop to see if she moved or hid or deleted any of the student images from it.

Especially any images of Johnny Jerkoff intensely masturbating or doing what he was really good at: doing that infamously shameless, nasty “sixty-nine” routine, going down on himself & getting himself off.

Haltzman reiterated Thursday that he cannot entertain settlement discussions until he reviews the contents of her home computer.

Valery Voyeur, one of two employees authorized to ogle with the tracking program, has said she refused to answer his questions at her deposition in the civil suit, invoking her Fifth Amendment right to avoid self-incrimination.

However, she has said in television interviews that she cooperated during an interview Wednesday with the authorities, which are investigating potential wiretap violations, and said there is no reason she should have to surrender her home computer.

Valery Voyeur “vehemently denies” downloading any pictures of students, her lawyer, Charles Cheesy, wrote in a court filing this week. “Mrs. Voyeur is not a voyeur,” the filing states. “This scandalous, malicious and abusive attack on Mrs. Voyeur’s character, in essence labeling her a sexual deviant, is false, outrageous and without any basis.”