Friday, November 30, 2012

Mr. Crabbin

Mr. Crabbin

“You’re literary style
does not do your
namesake justice”
—Graham Greene
The Third Man

Then there’s Mr. Crabbin—
Ditzy representative of the
British Cultural Relations
Society and Lectures

Holly was to give a lecture—
“Techniques of the Contemporary
Novel” for the Innsbruck and
Salzburg Literary Program

Holly Martin the famous—
Western pulp fiction writer
Giving Greene the chance
To dish writers and writing

Holly’s brand of fiction—
Kitchy, full of schmaltzy
Plots in a vague, sloppy
Sentimental way like sex

Strictly amateur compared—
With Benjamin Dexter or
Henry James a stylist so
Subtle, complex, old-maidish

Calloway the Investigator—
Shook his head amazed
Sometimes, the amateur much
Better than the professional!!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Two Viennese Queens

Two Viennese Queens

The two Viennese queens—
Baron Kurtz and Doktor Winkler
Live together in an elegant
Apartment next to the Wheel

The Oklahoma Kid—
Baron Kurtz clutches to his
Breast in the outdoor café
Where Holly & he have a date

The little chihuahua—
Baron Kurtz has tucked
Under his topcoat peeks
Its ratty little head out

The same ratty dog—
Lives there in the apartment
With both Kurtz and Winkler
A nice fag married couple

Doktor Winkler is cryptic—
Surrounded by religious
Antiques, crucifixes and
Assorted Jansenist junk

Baron Kurtz and Dr. Winkler—
Hide the fact they’re a couple
Of decadent Euro-Queen Bees

Holly Martin isn’t dumb—
Not when it comes to certain
Things like closet-case fags
He smells a big fat rat

Monday, November 26, 2012



“He was the Harry Lime
of the literary racket”
—Michael Shelden,
Graham Greene: The
Enemy Within

The world according to Graham Greene—
Is a world full of tragedy and it can’t be
Taken entirely by trusting anybody

Part of the film noir mystery game—
Of reading a Graham Greene novel or
Seeing a film adaptation is following leads

Taking the time to be naïve and letting—
The false leads take one down various
Detours that every detective travels

Holly Martin played by Joseph Cotton—
Is especially vulnerable since he’s a
Pulp fiction writer who lives his fiction

Holly ends up in Vienna at the invitation—
Of his boyhood buddy Harry Slime who he
Venerates and worshipped back in school

At first Holly seems to see postwar Vienna—
And the supposed death of Harry more along
The lines of a naïve “The Oklahoma Kid”

Himself as “The Lone Rider of Santa Fe”—
In a small Western town shoot-em-up kind
Of pulp fiction novel like he writes back home

But Vienna is much more old and decadent—
Much more evil and sophisticated even though
Bombed-out and in ruins than he thinks at first

It’s like a Henry James scenario with the naïve—
Young Americans abroad taking the European tour
And ending up getting had by the Living Dead

The penicillin racket of Harry Lime and Company—
Is just the tip of the tacky rotten evil iceberg tho
But pretty soon Holly wises up fast thanks to events

The endless camera shots of ruined Vienna—
End up revealing how much more evil the wages
Of war can be, taking whole cities into the gutter

No wonder Harry hangs out and ends up dead—
Down there in the twisting, labyrinthine sewers of
Once elegant and cloyingly beautiful great Vienna

The real Third Man is more than just Harry Lime—
The slime-bag of the black market dope racket
That the plot of the novella revolves around

The real Third Man is the refined auteur and—
Catty author Graham Greene himself: the coy
Slime-bag of the literary racket his “sewer”

There’s a reason why “The Third Man” won—
First prize at the Cannes Film Festival and
Enjoyed such success at the movie box office

Greene plays with our film noir imagination—
Seduces us into the mind of Alida Valli who
Loves Harry no matter what he’s done

Greene is the Third Man who sucks us down—
Into the stinking sewers not only of bombed-out
Vienna but even deeper down into ourselves

The Third Man has qualities of being a pulp-fiction—
Naïve hack Western writer like we all are actually
No different than “The Lone Rider of Santa Fe”

The Third Man is a parody of old-fashioned—
Westerns like “The Oklahoma Kid” so cherished
By the fag Herr Kurtz who simply adores it

But it’s all just a fake act to seduce and divert—
Holly Martin off the detective trail of investigating
What really happened to his buddy Harry Slime

The Third Man is a satire on naïve Americans—
The same as Pinky or Rowe in Ministry of Fear
All “The Ugly Americans” taking over the world

Knowing that is to know who the real—
Third Man actually is: it’s us, of course, but
Then film noir’s message is rather tawdry now

When a film genre dies, whether its dark—
Film noir like “The Third Man” or Grande Dame Guignol like “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane” 

Another Third Man will soon materialize—
Someone or something that we won’t recognize
Until it’s too late and then it’s Fag Noir, honey

Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Oklahoma Kid

The Oklahoma Kid

“Kurtz fascinated him —
characters who shared
the name in The Third Man
and Heart of Darkness”
— Michael Shelden,
Graham Green, The
Enemy Within

What better place—
Than ruined bombed-out
Vienna to play the old
Heart of Darkness game?

Kurtz goes crazy—
Deep in rotting Africa but
Vienna also is one of the
Dark places of earth

Herr Kurtz meets Holly—
In the outdoor café with
His copy of Holly’s pulp
Fiction “The Oklahoma Kid”

Herr Kurtz’s toupee—
It makes Holly dislike
Him at first sight right
Away at their rendezvous

It keeps slipping off—
Like Akim Tamiroff’s
Greasy little tacky wig
In “Touch of Evil”

There’s something —
Phony about a man
Who just can’t accept
His baldness gracefully

It’s flat and yellow—
Cheap and ill-fitting
Clinging to his bald
Head like a ratty rug

The Casanova Nightclub

Casanova Nightclub

Later on Holly meets—
Some other nefarious
Characters of Harry’s
Little Racketeer club

Kurt plays a weepy—
Violin serenading a fat
Lovely Brünnhilde there
In the Casanova Nightclub

She slurps her soup—
Loudly, her plump jowls
Oblivious to Kurt’s violin
Yet she tips him generously

Meanwhile Cooler chats—
The usual cover-up of
What really happened to
Harry that tragic day

The tight little club—
Of Viennese racketeers
Circle their wagons just like
“The Lone Rider of Santa Fe”

Saturday, November 24, 2012

The Third Man


What happens when —
A film genre dies off and
Finally kicks the Proverbial
Hollywood Bucket?

Pick a Hollywood —
Classic outta the Forties
By 1949 the Film Noir
Genre gets rather tawdry

Tawdry, worn-out —
Ripe for a Revisionist
Remake along the lines
Of campy “Sunset Blvd”


When one queen 
Reads the beads of another
It’s called comeuppance, honey
Such a dishy denouement!

When one queers —
An already quite queer
Movie like “Whatever Happened
To Baby Jane” then what?

You get a drag version —
Of an already campy
Film noir flick like
Faggy “Baby Jane”

Like Billy Cliff’s version —
Of Robert Aldrich’s
Classic thriller of
Grande Dame Guignol

Instead of Bette Davis —
Joan Crawford, Victor Bruno
Eating up the old scenery
We get drag queens instead

Same two twisted sisters —
In their own self-made hell
But with some unexpected
Faggy twists & turns, my dear

The audience ends up —
Asking “Who’s coming for
Din din?” in a rather new
Fag noir genre way…

Instead of Bette Davis —
It’s time for Mathew Martin
To do a new tres trashy
Version of “Baby Jane!”

Instead of dreary-dearie —
Poor Joan Crawford up
There in the Attic in her
Tacky old wheelchair

We end up with a new —
Cabaret burlesque show
Swansong to an aging
Geriatric Guignol Genre

When a film genre dies —
It’s swansong time, honey
Like Marlene Dietrich in
“Blue Angel,” my dears

When a film genre dies —
Like Marlene’s “Blonde Venus”
Her cabaret Weimar goodbye
“I just can’t help it, honey”

The same with Orson Welles —
His swan song to film noir
The end of a genre and era
His  louche “Touch of Evil”

Redoing “Citizen Kane” —
Like Billy Clift transmogrifying
And subverting “Baby Jane”
Down in the sewers of Vienna

Instead of Bette Davis —
It’s Faggy Miss Joseph Cotton
Caught up in a gay postwar
Aging decrepit film noir flick

What happens when Welles—
Exiled by RKO to Europe makes
Plans for her big come-back
Like Norma Desmond did?

You end up with a loser —
Like “Touch of Evil,” honey
Miss Welles just simply couldn’t
Help it, she loved Swan Songs

There’s Zsa Zsa Gabor —
As well as Marlene Dietrich
There’s even Mexican Queen Bee
Decadent Miss Akim Tamiroff

Faux Tijuana mise-en-scene—
A hoodlum spic gang led by that
Motorcycle bull dyke lesbian
Butchy Mercedes McCambridge

Nervous nelly Dennis Weaver—
As the No Tell Motel night clerk
Gimpy out there in the sticks
Crazy with icky facial ticks

It’s Goodbye Film Noir, baby—
Welcome campy new Fag Noir
Orson Welles just like Dietrich
She just couldn’t help it, dearies

Those same high overhead —
Camera takes of “Citizen Cane”
Zooming over the dingy streets
Border towns so cheap & tacky

Those garish flashing neon lights—
No escape for bug-eyed Tamiroff
Orson Welles is out to get her
To cover-up his Mexican tracks

Gets strangled to death, honey —
With one of Janet Leigh‘s nylons
While trying to claw his way out……
Losing his droopy toupee instead

When a film genre dies —
There’s always a classic flick
Commemorating the DEMISE
With one last gay Swansong

There’s always one last —
Gasp remake of a dying Genre
Like silly “Bud Abbott and Lou
Costello Meeting Guess Who?”

Whether it’s Miss Dracula —
Frankenstein or Wolf Man
Lon Chaney or Bela Lugosi
Or that stuffy Basil Rathbone

There’s still this Death-Rattle —
Sickening Swan Song to a once
Great-filmic Hollywood genre…
A dead Matinee Bijou Oeuvre

“The Third Man” (1949) ends —
With the melodramatic demise
Of slime-bag Harry Lime down
There in the stinking Sewers

That’s where all of us —
Are gonna end up, honey
Whether we like it or not
We simply just can’t help it...

There’s no happy ending —
Cornell Woolwich said it all:
“At first you dream, honey,
And then you die.”

Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Fag Noir Imagination



Baby Jane
Twisted Sisters
Touch of Evil
Night of the Demon
Tourneur Touché
Passing the Parchment
Cat People
Fallen Angel
British Museum
Tourneur’s Cinema
Fag Noir Adieu


"Did you ever wonder
what would it be like if
you could program your
dreams before you went
to sleep each night?”
— John Lehman, “Dreams
Within Dreams,” Lit Noir

It was one of those —
Dreams within a dream
When you wake up from
A movie within a movie

It’s still a dream but —
You’re thinking you’re
Really awake while
Actually it’s Fag Noir

It’s like that Grande —
Dame Guignol “What Ever
Happened to Baby Jane”
Masterpiece of the Macabre

That campy drag version —
Directed by Billy Clift that
Tweaks the original just
Right such Fag Noir trash!!!


These two twisted sisters —
Living in a run-down mansion
“What a fuckin dump!” honey
But you ain’t seen nothing yet

This drag version of Bette Davis —
& wheelchair-bound Joan Crawford
Makes a sensitive girl ask herself
“Christ! Who’s coming for din din?”

Doing Bette Davis Fag Noir drag —
Is like Marlene Dietrich doing aging
Blue Angel cabaret in a rundown
Tijuana “Touch of Evil” whorehouse

It’s like an aging Zsa Zsa Gabor —
Doing Mexican Madame burlesque
One last time before Weimar folds
And the Strip Show gets outta town

Whatever happened to Baby Jane —
Is the story of how a fag noir Diva
Survives the Touch of Evil & makes
Her Norma Desmond comeback!

Touch of Evil (1957) 

Just ask Akim Tamiroff —
Seedy underworld Queen Bee
Flipping his wig down there
In tacky ersatz Tijuana

Orson Welles’ revenge —
After RKO’s “Citizen Kane”
Almost going bankrupt by
The Boy Genius Imagination

Hauling in Val Lewton —
And Jacques Tourneur for
A long string of Fag Noir
Supernatural thrillers

Tourneur Touché

“Every thing came to me
 all by itself, I think
 no effort to make
 things come to me”
— Jacques Tourneur

Like the hand —
Oh the banister in
“Night of the Demon”
That simply disappears

The source of —
One of Tourneur’s
Obsessions: Suddenly
Something inexplicable

Like Dana Andrews —
Exploring the creepy
Black Magician’s mansion
Playing psychic detective

Julian Karswell —
Is it his hand there
On the dark banister
In the Fag noir night?

Passing the Parchment 

Ancient runic symbols 
Scribbled on a strip of paper
What does the demonic
Writings of darkness mean?

The same with the noir —
The indecipherable text of
 “True Discoveries of
 Witches and Demons”

The master key (noir) —
From which the parchment
Is generated that terrorizes
The professorial nincompoops

Cat People

What could be more —
Starkly goth fag noir
Than the beginning of
“Night of The Demon”?

Poor Professor Harrington’s  —
Drive through the Night to
Plead with Karswell to call
Off the Demon’s curse?

The shadowy night reflections —
Like the swimming pool at night
The panther pacing in “Cat People”
Stalking its frightened victim?


Dana Andrews stands there —
Amidst the old stone ruins
Surrounded by stone slabs
Scribbled with runic curses

Fragmentary texts like —
Filmic distorted scenes in
The British Museum corridor
The Savoy Hotel warped walls

Weird images interpenetrate —
Clairvoyante soirées into
Parallel worlds perplexing
Even hardcore Dana Andrews

Fallen Angel  

By the time of 1957 
William Holden is a tired
Burnt-out alcoholic in this
Tourneur Fag noir film

Which only adds to the —
Bird attitude of Holden’s
Cynical, skeptical role
As a debunking scientist

Fake Mediumship goes —
Back to “Fallen Angel” (1945)
With John Carradine as the
Fake but consummate Medium

Holden back then plays the —
Same supernatural ersatz role
With Linda Darnell playing the
Fag noir slutty femme fatale

Night of the Demon 

Holden's problem is to try 
Not believing in the Devil as
The audience struggles to
Accept belief in the cinema

Parallel worlds penetrate —
The screen, distorting scenes
Like meeting the Black Magician
Karswell in the British Museum

Corridors are blurred and —
Figures are silhouetted as if
Holden had an attack of vertigo
Disturbing the reality of space

Inexplicable moments stain —
The Hobart farmhouse, Karswell’s
Mansion and the distorted hallways
Of the Savoy Hotel with weird
Disorienting camera shots

Tourneur’s Cinema

Tourneur’s cinema —
Film noir shadows and
Ghostly chiaroscuro shades
Depicting a world of darkness

The scary pool scene —
In “Cat People,” the dark
Cemetery scene in “Leopard
Man,” a cinema of fear

Carrefour’s shadow —
Across the bedroom wall
The voodoo zombie drums
In the dead of night

The car driving frantically —
In “Night of the Demon”
The stabbing Fearful headlights
Thru the Karswell Forest

The Train Station

Fear rather than horror —
Haunting hallucinations
Worse than the real thing
A parallel world of evil

The hand on the banister —
As Holden explores the
Karswell haunted mansion
Who’s gnarled hand is it?

The stones of Stonehenge —
Carnal parchment curses
Visiting cards, daily calendars
With missing, torn-out pages

The ambiguous connection —
Between knowledge & death
Ending at the train station
“Perhaps it’s better not to know”

Literary Three Ways


“The Third Man” three-way—
Between Harry Lime, Holly
Martin & Alida Valli is a typical
Graham Greene plot-device

Like in the 1963 short story —
“May We Borrow Your Husband?”
A rather mixed-bag comedy
That Greene wrote in Antibes

Two flamboyant homosexuals —
Plot to seduce a honeymoon
Bridegroom with the help of
Greene diverting the bride

The bored bride actually —
Puts the make on Greene but
Being the gentleman he demurs
From making love to her

Meanwhile the two fags —
Go to town with the young
Naïve handsome husband
Who lavishes all the attention

Of course, Graham Greene —
Keeps up a brave front as
The detached novelist who’s
Interested only in sex comedy

Fag Noir Literati

Other filmic book-scripts 
By Graham Greene including
“The Comedians” (1967) with
Richard Burton and Liz Taylor

Like “The Third Man” —
The devil’s in the noir details
Greene’s characters defined
By sexual comedy camping

The drag act routine —
Getting a wanted passenger
To the safety of the American
Consulate simply a gay romp

The same with Herr Kurtz —
Viennese nightclub chanteuse
With his tacky cheap toupee
Who wants to meet Holly Martin

Allegedly to get an autograph —
Of “The Lone Rider of Santa Fe”
But really to check out this gay
American friend of Harry’s

Naïve Joseph Cotton plays —
Holly Martin, faggy boyfriend
Lover of Harry Slime who died
Supposedly recently in Vienna

But not really, my dear —
Dr. Winkle winks knowingly
His face elongated in fake
El Greco-esque agony

Both Kurtz and Winkler —
Covering up the noir secret
His supposed death rather
A sneaky Jansenist cover-up

Dying fictitiously for the —
Benefit of the drug ring
Elect whose underground
Business is quite lucrative

Graham Greene


"He was the Harry Lime
of the literary racket.”
— Michael Sheldon,
Graham Greene: The Enemy Within

One of the more seminal —
Book discussions from back
In the NYTimes days was
“The Third Man” soiree

Orson Welles played noir —
Cold War Harry Lime
A black-market drug dealer
Extraordinaire character

A screenplay collaboration —
Between Greene & Carol Reed
About depressing postwar
Viennese Weltschmerz

Joseph Colton played the —
Pulp fiction western writer
With Alida Valli as the sad
Tragedienne actress Lover

Filmed in 1949 —
Halfway between infamous
Bankrupt RKO Studio
“Citizen Kane” (1941)

And “Touch of Evil” (1958) —
Greene’s novel flowing like
Expensive slow gin down the
Back of your thirsty throat

Accompanied by maddening —
Irritating nervous Zither music by
Anton Karas constantly there
Slithering in the background

The ironic thing was that —
During our book discussion
Led by erudite Whiskey Priest
Lovely Alida Valli passed away