Whiteboy Bondage—
Black Deliverance ___________________________________
“All the girls say—
I’m pretty black for
a white guy.”
—Wentworth Miller
The Human Stain
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We must have—watched it a dozen times “Imitation of Life”—there in the Bijou balcony I could feel it—the black snake moaning The scene with Troy Donahue—too much Beating up Susan Kohner—in the back alley Her pain & agony—made Dwayne Jerome sullen Feeling the way she felt—mulatto broken-hearted Able to pass in a white society—to be accepted Only to have her secret—come out in the open Her loving mother—Lana Turner’s Negro maid… Tall handsome 16-year-old Dwayne Jerome My incredibly beautiful nouveau half-brother Living with me in the big mansion in Ingeville My whole life hopelessly—revolving around him My long lost young Chicago brother Jerome!!! “I think that Bill Inge had already made up his mind to invoke this same shadow and to suffuse it with light” —Tennessee Williams Like Tennessee Williams—and William Inge I struggled to invoke—the same Shadow The invoked One—A Streetcar Named Desire The One—The Dark at the Top of the Stairs My Shadow Twin—Dwayne Jerome Jones!!! Naively I thought—I’d suffuse it with Light But Jerome’s Bondage & Deliverance was Much more than just fun—falling in love Was serious business—the Dark Other I desperately craved—thru Mulatto S & M!!! Whips and black leather—hanging from the Ceiling in chains—all the pleasures & pains I imagined—my so-called Whiteboy Bondage!!! But it was just nothing—compared to Jerome’s Exquisite Mulatto Love and Deliverance!!! Surely it was more than just Penis Envy??? Knowing my younger brother—was more Endowed than me—his African manhood??? Suddenly I became one—with the Shadow My lips touched—The Heart of Darkness!!! It was simply shameless—and unforgivable Being a Size Queen—for one’s kid brother… His blood flowing through me—as surely as it Flowed through his father—and our mother… The Family Tree—wanting to get inside me!!! Those naïve old-fashioned whitey Westerns— The Calvary soldier and Indian slicing their Hands and pressing them together saying “Now we’re blood-brothers, Kimosabe!!!” “Now we’re like blood-brothers, Tonto!!!” It takes a lot more—than just that, baby Dwayne Jerome and me—simpatico smoochers My hot mulatto brother—always with a pout Africa running through him—running thru me Goodbye Heartache—Hello Mulatto Love!!! Jerome had mother’s eyes—her winning ways His bright orange pubes—simply amazing me All the different ways—two brothers can be Alike—all the different ways they can be lost Strangers to each other—lost and then found The way I felt about him—unnaturally ashamed There was no depth—to how ashamed I got Shame made me do things—I’d never done before Dwayne Jerome so very mean—getting off on Watching a dirty whiteboy—beg for it… Sullen and moody—Jerome my Troy Donahue Beating the shit out of Susan Kohner in the alley All that same anger and pent-up mulatto angst Dwayne Jerome taking it out on me— The more I hurt—the more I wanted it bad Roughing me up—because I was Vanilla fag Funny how the pain didn’t hurt—I loved it!!! In fact anything that Jerome did to hurt me Made me feel just the opposite—it felt good Which was asking for trouble—and I got it!!! You know that scene—in The Maltese Falcon? Humphrey Bogart pistol-whipping Peter Lorre “You’ll take it and like it!!!”—he says to Peter Lorre I took it like Peter Lorre—when Dwayne Jerome Pistol-whipped me—with his big black heater I took it and liked it—like Bogart said What can I say?—I should’ve been more shy? Embarrassed by such an exquisite mulatto Prince? All the Shame and Embarrassment in the world— Couldn’t stop me loving my kid brother all the way!!! Jerome was Darkness—at the Top of the Stairs Jerome was Darkness—Splendor in the Grass Jerome was Darkness—the kind Inge was after Writing his novel—“Good Luck, Mrs. Wyckoff” An old story about—tormented interracial love Whiteboy Bondage—Black Deliverance The more I got into it—sliding up beside him His Mandingo Love—the more I understood What Robert Mapplethorpe—meant when He said—“Once you’ve gone black…”
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