Palm Springs Facelift

PALM SPRINGS FACE LIFT

“They told me, Francis Hinsley, 

they told me you were hung. 

With red protruding eyeballs 

and black protruding tongue.”

― Evelyn Waugh, The Loved One

I had most of my nose cut off—

After they sent me to Palm Springs

For some cheap cosmetic surgery

Then they sent me to Mexico—

For six weeks to learn Flamenco

To become quite the Valentino

It didn’t catch on even though —

I was quite good at it, you know

I definitely played a tres chic Sheik 

My legs were quite photogenique—

I was used to it after years of showing

A little leg there on Hollywood Blvd

No matter how coy and innocent—

I pretended to be as I danced away

I just simply couldn’t please anybody

Those League of Decency queens—

Insisted I bleach my hair and dye it 

A less voluptuous vermilion hue

The tacky directors insisted—

All my crooked teeth be pulled—

But my pretty dentures kept slipping