Tadzio Speaks

TADZIO SPEAKS

“Solitude produces originality, 

bold and astonishing beauty, 

poetry. But solitude also produces 

perverseness, the disproportionate, 

the absurd and the forbidden.”

― Thomas Mann, Death in Venice 

___________

Decades later, I remember one thing—

the way Tadzio said it helplessly at the end

“Take it,” he said, going spaz on the Lido 

Nothing is more tense and awkward—

than a relationship of two people who 

only know each other thru their eyes 

Tadzio and I met each other daily— 

we’d meet and observe each other even 

hourly but we’d pretend disinterest 

_______________

Either because of morals or perhaps—

a listlessness and pent-up curiosity, even

a hysteria of unsatisfied, unnatural urges

A suppressed need for communion but—

also a kind of tense respect, because of a

desire that was of lacking acknowledgement

Tadzio was unused to speaking about—

what he saw and felt, his erotic experiences 

more intense because he was so inarticulate 

_______________

I wasn’t a gregarious man and in Venice—

I felt even more sluggish and wayward with

a melancholy tinge preoccupying me

The sights and impressions of Venice—

I simply brushed aside without even a glance, 

solitude giving birth to the perverse, the elicit

But then I became increasingly obsessed—

by the beautiful youth Tadzio who was clearly

aware of my silent attractions and attentions

______________

We never spoke, it was a silent relationship—

that lasted until my final day there on the 

Lido beach getting him off so exquisitely

Before either one of us realized what was—

happening, he slid down his one-piece swimsuit 

and let me have what we both so desired

What impact did our encounter have on us—

decades later looking back at that fateful 

summer seminal afternoon in Venice?

_____________

Even though Tadzio was a silent Cipher—

all the way up until he leaned over my arms

and climaxed over my face and lips

I will always remember his voluptuous—

young teenage wild animal guttural tone

as he gave himself all the way to me

Tadzio was a teenager on the verge—

of young manhood, surrounded by sisters—

mother, a governess & a wealthy fag