Saturday, December 22, 2012

Mommie Dearest


Well, my dears, so where do I begin—
Where does any fag actually begin?

Obviously with Mommy Dearest—
And, honey, ALL of us girls had one!!!

Even in the best mansions in Brentwood—
There’s always Coat-Hanger S/M going on!!!

Even in the crummiest suburban dump—
There’s a Valley of the Dolls going on!!!

But don’t pay any attention to me, dear—
I’m just a trashy gossip queen for profit

Doing this purely-for-entertainment confession—
But Jaysus Christ, somebody’s got to do it

After all it made Christina Crawford wealthy—
And a famous Hollywood celebrity back then

And talk about that movie “Mommy Dearest”—
She fucking cashed in Big Time there in LA

My story of mental, verbal, and physical abuse—
Raging alcoholism & bipolar obsessive compulsions

To say nothing of allegations of homosexuality—
Is nothing, sweetheart, compared to Christina

Or should I says that poor Christopher Crawford—
The hell that awful Joan put that kid through…

The astute film critic John William Law says—
That there was no male version of the male

Grande Dame Guignol tradition of movies—
Like “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?”

Because it was less believable to directors—
And screenwriters somewhat back then

But that was then and this is now, honey—
A male drag version of Baby Jane Hudson

Has appeared in Billy Clift’s “Baby Jane?”—
Starring stunning drag queen Mathew Martin

So that on a psychological novel, my dears—
Christina and I have gone through great pains

Maybe not coat-hangers but still hung-up with—
The travails of having a bad Mommie Dearest

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