Saturday, December 22, 2012

Mommy Dearest Three


The same with Christopher in the shower—
Just like my troublesome sullen hung kid brother

The so-so strict parenting styles back then—
That Mommy Dearest respected so in Hollywood

At least for appearance sake to make it look like—
Joan Crawford was Good Housekeeping Divine

Rather than the ungrateful, disrespectful—
And rather hell-bent pushing of her Ambition

I pushed my mother's buttons every time—
Flaunting my goodlooking boyfriends at her

I considered it the kind of punishment that—
She deserved for beating me with coat-hangers

She just knew I was getting the hot young stuff—
Which was of course right up her fucking alley

But it wouldn’t be the first time I caught her—
In bed with one of my handsome young tricks

It was worst torture in the world to suffer so—
Mommy Dearest getting my boyfriends in bed

Was I just some slutty Lottie Lenya male pimp—
In that “Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone” flick?

Mommy Dearest was a lot like Joan Crawford—
She dished it out pretty much to get even

Not aging well was standard for the times—
Along with wire hanger beatings, being tied up

Being beaten with tubes of Ajax plus endless—
Spankings, face-slapping, supper-less nights

It was all par for the course, honey, plus—
Being alcoholic, bipolar, obsessive compulsive

One's disease doesn’t make excusable all those—
Horrible things it makes one do, that’s for sure

It’s the basis for extra tolerance & understanding—
Maybe that’s why I’m manic depressive too

I can genuinely empathize with Joan but—
Even mores so with poor Christina & Christopher

Finally, and this is the last on the subject—
At least until the next time for a dry martini

Why did Joan leave Christina out of her will—
People ask that question a lot, I suppose

What were the “reasons well known to her”—
And the same with Christopher Crawford?

Christina says Mommie was a two-faced bitch—
That she’d turned into an unholy Bitch Queen

But Joan probably found out thru the grapevine—
Daughter dearest was composing her memoirs

Waiting until Blanche finally kicked the bucket—
Then cashing in on the tres scandalous expose

Joan found out all about it because after all—
She certainly found out about everything else

She had the last laugh with Bette Davis—
Her box-office royalties from “Baby Jane”

She got 15% compared with Bette’s 10%—
The flick was a huge success and blockbuster

A whole new Grande Dame Guignol genre—
Opening up for all the aging queen bee stars

And so Joan probably decided that Christina—
And Christopher could enjoy their Royalties too

“Mommy Dearest” indeed a great success—
Succès de scandale both as book and film

There was no final slap in the face—
The only monster was Hollywood Babylon

It’s what Christina did to Joan Crawford—
It’s what Joan Crawford did to Christina

It’s what I did to Mommy Dearest—
It’s what my Mommy Dearest did to me

That’s really the Storyline, my dears—
The more gossip-column trashy the better

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