Ouija Board Story

Ouija Board Story

—for Ted Hughes, Sylvia Plath
Daniel Huws, Richard Hollis,
Colin Wilcockson, Carol Hughes
___________________

“a parasitical orgy”
—Daniel Huws,
“Conversation with Hughes'
Contemporaries,” Ted Hughes
Conference, Pembroke College,
Cambridge University

“Daniel Huws has recently
owned up to being PAN
on the occasion recounted”
—Terry Gifford, “Hughes’s
Social Ecology,” The Cambridge
Companion To Ted Hughes
__________________________________

A parasitical orgy—
A good way to begin a
Séance of Admirers

Huddled around an—
Antique Ouija board
Here deep in midnight
___________

“Are you there?”—
asks Miss Auden and
ghostly W. B. Yeats

“Yes, we’re here—
and more than willing
to commune,” we say
____________

All of us hushed—
One could hear a pin drop
The séance begins…

Daniel Huws moves—
The Planchette around
The Board, warming it up
_______________

“I’m certainly ready—
for an orgy of words,
my dear,” Auden says

“I’m more than ready—
to slouch to Bethlehem,”
Yeats jokes laughingly
______________

Suddenly the Planchette—
Starts scribbling across
The Ouija Board frantically

And Ted Hughes’ voice—
Drifts into the room from
A faraway place somewhere
______________

“Brian O’Lynn to his house had no door,
He’d the sky for a ceiling, the earth for a floor,
He’d a way to jump out and a way to jump in,
“Tis a fine habitation”, says Brian O’Lynn.
_____________________

Brian O’Lynn went a courting one night,
But he set both mother and daughter to fight,
To fight for his hand they both stripped to the skin,
“Ach I’ll marry ye both,” says Brian O’Lynn.
_________________________

Brian O'Lynn and his wife and wife's mother,
They all went over the bridge together,
The bridge broke down and they all tumbled in,
“Ach I’ll go home by water,” says Brian O'Lynn.
_________________

Oh Brian O'Lynn was an Orangeman born,
But he married a Papist from this side of Mourne,
“Ach I will wear Orange and she will wear Green,
And we’ll keep out of trouble,” says Brian O’Lynn.
______________________

Brian O’Lynn went to Chapel one day,
But he had no beads so he’d damn all to say,
The priest comes up to him, says, “What is your Sin?”
“Ach I have no apparatus,” says Brian O’Lynn.
__________________

Suddenly Olwyn storms in—
Demanding the Séance cease
And Desist Immediately or else!!!

Olwyn screeches that the—
Estate forbids any type
Of Occult Communication!!!
_________

“We own Everything!!!—
Including all Communiqués
With the Living Dead!!!”

“The Hughes Estate—
Possess Copyrights on
All Ouija Board Discussions!”
_________________

The Planchette pauses—
Then the next message
Is quite to the point:

“Mind your own business—
Fuck off, you Old Witch!!!
This is Sylvia speaking!!!”
_________________

The audience gasps—
Not since “Birthday Letters”
Have people been so shocked!

The smell of gas oozes—
Into the Parlor and then
The sound of Ariel hoofs!
______________

The Planchette came—
Back to life, it was the
Voice of Ted Hughes:

“Poetry isn’t just for—
England and other people’s
Poetry is also ours”
____________________

The Planchette seemed—
To be running out of psychic
Energy, slowly last words:

“Your past is really—
Valueless except for the
Stories, and so the stories…”