Who's Afraid of Vagina Woolf: Act 1

GEORGE AND MARTHA'S SON 

I’m George and Martha's unseen—
Gay sixteen year old son, whose 
Bad Boy Birthday is tomorrow

You’re cordially invited to—
George and Martha's somewhat
Rather dumpy old dive, my dears
_____________

For an evening of fun & games—
My Violet-Eyed Venus Mommy Dearest
The Boring, Boozing, Tired, Old Witch

While George my bumbling Father—
Mumbles and grumbles about not
Wanting to talk about me
___________

Well, you might ask, my dears—
What George my esteemed professor
Daddy doesn’t wanna talk about?

We’ll get to that later but I’ll tell—
You this, my incarceration in the
Nuthouse and exile wasn’t pretty
___________

So c’mon, my dears, drop in for—
Drinks and Brace yourself for our usual
Birthday Bash so gayly celebrated

If I’d been either Mommy or Daddy—
Married to Martha or George, I surely
Would’ve divorced them long ago
___________

Unfortunately, though, I happened—
To have the misfortune of being their
Maladjusted, malformed faggot son

They couldn’t divorce me, my dears—
Even if they wanted to, so instead they
Blamed me on the faults of each other
_____________

I was a bitch because Martha certainly—
Was a Bitch and I was a Failure because
That’s what George was at the College

I swear, I'd have divorced them both—
But how can you possibly divorce your
Own parents no matter how tacky?
____________

So, sweetheart, I drank them both—
Under the goddamn table every night
So they didn’t worry about me anymore!!!

I’d change into an embarrassingly tight—
And revealing drag outfit, why I looked so
Tres innocent in my Sunday chapel dress!
___________

They’d say I was the apple of their lovely—
Three eyes, Martha being a Cyclops, and me
Being a Bad Boy just like Big Daddy

Martha would say I reminded her of my—
Father, followed by “You make me puke”
Not a very nice thing to say, my dears
________________

Then George would say: “Martha you're—
Buried in cement right up to the neck, no
Up to the nose, it's much quieter that way”

Then Martha would say: “Everybody's a flop. 
My husband's a flop, I'm a flop, my son is
A faggoty effete effeminate nelly flop!!!”
_______________

Naturally I got tired of it all, the drinking—
Bitching, Martha vomiting in the sink plus
All the screaming going on around the joint

I’d get nasty and testy, too, naturally—
Anybody who came around our dumpy dive
There next to campus ended up that way
___________________

Martha never gave up and George never—
Was happy, they disgusted each other and
I hopelessly reminded them of each other


Martha & George, my mother & father—
Both of whom I reviled kept teaching me new
Games to play for mind-fucking myself
_______________

They made me unhappy like they were—
That’s the only way both of them were happy
And they wanted me to be happy too!!!


George and Martha so sad, sad, sad—
Whom I'll never forgive for looking at me 
& saying: “Yes, you’ll just have to do”